Social Skills

How To Win Friends And Influence People

“The rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage.”

Are you able to get new friends on demand? Or are you still struggling to maintain healthy relationships?

Maybe you are not able to get your family involved in important discussions because someone gets altered and the session ends pretty quickly …

Or maybe you can’t keep a healthy relationship with the people you work with.

It’s stressful and you wish you wouldn’t have to see their twisted faces for a while…

You see, the ability to talk properly is the fastest way of distinction. That’s what makes a leader different from the followers.

We are social beings and as such we are constantly communicating our emotions through words, and more importantly: non verbal communication.

We are able to see cues but more critical we are always sending these signals in auto-pilot: gestures, hand movements, postures, verbal tones.

If you would like to master the ability to win people’s hearts and trust, then you should get a copy of Dale Carnegie’s Book: How To Win Friends And Influence People.

Remember that influencing is not the same as manipulation.  It’s just a clever way to get things done the way you wished for.

So, let’s see what we can learn from this book to start taking action in our lives. There’s no better results than the knowledge applied after acquired.

How To Win Friends and Influence People:

Techniques You Can Develop To Handle People

  • Whenever a situation occurs: avoid criticizing or complaining at all costs. Take a moment to breathe deeply and think of something positive about this situation.
  • Always give a sincere appreciation to those around you. People really like to receive compliments, but they can tell when they are fake. Try to make them say “Thank you” very often.
  • Inspire a burning desire in the other person. It is by inspiration that we influence people the most.

Six Ways To Make People Like You

  • Become genuinely interested in other people. We all like to talk about ourselves so that sometimes we forget to listen. Show this interest in other people and see how they talk about themselves. If you listen, they will appreciate it and subconsciously like you more.
  • It’s always good to smile when we listen or talk. As social beings we are looking for signs of approval on people’s faces. If we show disgust or anger, we repel people. If we show happiness, they will stay to us and feel better. Keep your face muscles going up.
  • Learn people’s name and use them pretty often in conversations. This is the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Subconsciously there’s a connection between your name’s sound and mother care. Who doesn’t call their babies by name with a soft and lovely voice?
  • Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. If they like what they hear, they will perceive your commands as an aid that leads to less resistance.
  • Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely. One of the main reason people get depressed is because they feel that they give no value to this world. Make them feel otherwise and see how they become more productive.

Win People To Your Way of Thinking

  • A better resolution of an argument is to avoid it. If two people can’t agree, there’s no use of trying to solve it. Sometimes it’s best to agree to disagree even before a debate happens.
  • Respect other people’s belief system. Their opinion are their belief and you can’t change that. Specially not by saying “You’re wrong”. This only shows how you are superior to them by being right. You have to decide what’s more important: Being right or being friendly.
  • If you are wrong, make it clear you recognize it. It’s clever to empathize your own flaws. It shows strength were other people think it would be shown our self as weak.
  • Have you seen the iguana effect? It’s when they move their head up-and-down as if they are saying “yes, yes”. Make this happen in people when you speak to them. The more they agree, the more likely they will aid you in your path.
  • Don’t be greedy about who’s idea it is. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. It makes them feel more important, and more importantly makes them act fast and efficiently because they think it’s their idea they are accomplishing.
  • Psychology says we are not able to stand in other people’s point of view before 8 years old. Don’t forget you learnt this after many years of experience. It’s a useful skill to be able to see things from the other person’s perspective.

Be a Leader: How To Change People Without Getting Them Offended.

  • Start conversations with compliments and a sincere smile. This opens the arms to ease the flow of messages and people may lower any self defense mechanism.
  • If someone made a mistake, point it out indirectly. Never in a crowd. Stories, metaphors and questions are helpful.
  • If you want to criticize someone, talk about your own mistakes related to what you want to say.
  • Use questions to make people act, instead of giving direct orders.
  • Raise people’s self esteem with compliments with every improvement or achievement they earn.
  • Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Now try to remember any recent past situations when you had a bad discussion with someone you care about.

Think about the moment of detonation. What happened right before one of the participants got upset.

Was it a comment? Did anyone show a superman posture or a dried fruit face?

Or maybe it wasn’t the words but the tone of it…

A strange fact about communication is that you can use the same words, in a slightly different tone, and get a completely altered result.

Do you want to try a weird trick? Whenever you get mad and you feel like cursing… try to say it in a sexy tone.

Yes, you heard it right. Sexy tone is wired in our brains as satisfaction that brings laughter.

Warning, you may smile a little bit.

And if you do it right, you will immediately notice a relief in that emotion of anger that you were starting to burn up.

You can try this in any altered tone you like; Maybe it’s a clown tone, a cartoon midget tone or even a baby tone. Be creative.

To wrap this up, I’ll give you an advice.

Every time you find yourself in a situation of two people talking, think about how you would like to feel when you are next to this person.

What tone would you like to hear from his voice, what posture makes them seem more comfortable with you and what kind of compliments will make you feel good about yourself.

Now use this emphatic information to make other people feel the same way.

The more comfortable they feel around you, the more followers you will get. After all, friends and followers are not that different.

If your intentions are right, and your job is to get things done… a little tweak about our emotions can help you succeed in any relationship.

So, what do you think? Have you read this book?

I personally love it, since I’m not an extrovert I still practice these tips to keep myself social

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